You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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