Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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