there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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