How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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