If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
