pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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