u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think a kid would responsible me up
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
