I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize