I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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