i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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