Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
