Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
