you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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