Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
