i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
