Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
