Quick, to the slutcave!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
