You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
