What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
