do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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