I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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