Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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