I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
