giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
