Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
