Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
