I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Fuck appropriateness.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
