the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
