So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
