at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
