I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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