please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
