there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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