I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
