does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
