Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
