All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
