Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
