All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
