GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
