she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
