He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
