I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
