we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
