Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
