I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
