im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How drunk are you?
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