haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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