I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
