HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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