PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
