I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
