Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
