What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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