After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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