brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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