I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
