i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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