Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
