If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
