Porn is love you can see.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
