I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
