My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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