Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
