Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
