I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
