All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
