oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
