i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
