She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
