Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
