don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
