Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
