It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
