i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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