i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
