just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
