How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
