make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
