she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
