LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
