the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
