I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
