Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize