WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
