I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
