Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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