You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
