with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
