my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
