i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
