I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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