You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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