Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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