He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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