That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
