What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
