She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize