someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
