i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
