I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
