The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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